


I Don’t Want to Miss You (Like I Do)

by orphan_account



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: (on Anna), Again, Aro/Ace Elsa, Bisexual Kristoff, Blow Jobs, Cheating, Choking, Crack, Everybody knows, Frozen 2 (2019) Spoilers, Gay, I won't update this for a month or until im not asleep constantly thanks, Idk how I’m supposed to tag this, M/M, Offensive, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn, Post-Frozen 2 (2019), Ryder Bottoms, Self-Conscious Kristoff, Sort Of, This is Retarded, i made this for my friend, im so sorry Walt Disney, kind of, sin - Freeform, this is like half porn, this is porn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:48:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21601960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: I really hate myself.Kristoff is cheating on Anna, woohoo! Watch him go on a adventure to fucking Hell as he fucks Ryder and then goes to a dinner. I don’t know the plot to this, let’s see where it goes.I don’t know how to make a good summary, but this is an attempt at humor.I’m so sorry, Walt Disney.ALSO IM SORRY I WONT BE UPDATING THIS. LIKE I MIGHT BUT IT WILL NOT BE SOON. And if anything I’ll just be rewriting this chapter because it’s like honestly shit. I’m so sorry if you read this and had to go through that.
Relationships: Kristoff Bjorgman/Ryder Nattura, Kristoff/Ryder, wtf am I doing - Relationship
Comments: 18
Kudos: 39





	I Don’t Want to Miss You (Like I Do)

**Author's Note:**

> Listen to the chapter titles! They’re songs and they’re really good! They (kind of) match with the fic. You don’t have to, but they’re good! (If I know you and you don’t listen to them I’ll kill you.)
> 
> Extra-
> 
> -I like writing. Let me practice with… non conventional ways. I mean, ya know… it’s for fun i don't want to defile Frozen 2
> 
> -Dear God, Satan, Jesus, Allah, Adonai, my family, and literally every other deity- I’m so sorry.
> 
> -I hate Ryder’s name. It should be, like, something nicer. Liam is a nice name. That’s my favorite male name, actually. Liam, Sam, Crispin, and maybe a few others. Oh god, I forgot the ones for girls. I’ll get back to you on that.
> 
> -this is taken place in a world where the femails and mails have like… realistic nose sizes. You know, not all women have tiny noses and not all men have huge-ass noses. Jesus.
> 
> -Kristoff? More like Christoff, ahaha! Because everybody’s a satanist now because of how badly they’re sinning! This is based off a Disney movie! For kids! I’m going to fucking kill myself, ahaha!
> 
> I'm so sorry.

Hi this is literally just disgusting Disney porn if you don’t want to see them have sex please leave this is the worst thing I’ve ever done. Thanks.

Kristoff breathed in the fresh spring air. Visits to Northuldra were always very… _ interesting _ , to say the least. He got a bit excited at the mention of the distant country, where his best friend, Ryder lived. Sure, they might’ve been a bit different, but they both loved reindeer, which was enough. And today was one of those visits. Anna would probably be off doing something with Elsa, so Kristoff was all alone for the day. Thank _ Satan _ . Anna was great and all, but she was always kissing and hugging and rubbing and trying to get laid and just being a fuckin— hey, that’s enough! No time to think about that. Sure, he loved Anna and everything, but it wasn’t the _ same _ with her. He wished things were different because sometimes, well, she was just a straight up _ bitch. _ The first few months had been fine. The honeymoon stage, as they say. Madly in love, sharing everything, and fucking every night. But she got worse every day. Always getting angry when he _ tried _ to compliment her and nagging, nagging, nagging. She was usually nice and sweet, but she just wasn’t funny and nice like she used to be. Fucking _ bitch! _ If Kristoff was a girl, this could all have been avoided. But then… Ryder wasn’t… whatever, it didn’t matter. Bottom line, Kristoff just didn’t like Anna more than a friend. Elsa, ever knowing, had noticed this and confronted him. He admitted and, god bless her soul, she promised to keep quiet. It would hurt the kingdom and Anna more than it would just keeping quiet, even if Kristoff was eternally annoyed and pissed. The sex was okay though, the recognition as well. It was a blind leap into love, Kristoff living with trolls and reindeer until that fateful day seven years ago. God _ fuck _him. Wait, don’t. God is a bitch. 

Suddenly, he realized that he was in the Northuldra territory. Kristoff patted Sven’s back and hopped off him. 

“Hey, uh, Sven. You go find your reindeer friends, alright? I’ve gotta go do some stuff, ya know? King stuff, hmm?” He whispered gently to his friend. 

“Okay, I’ll come back in three hours?” He mimicked his reindeer’s thoughts. 

“Yeah, just… you know what’s up. Have fun.”

Sven gave a knowing look and turned around, facing Kristoff for a moment before bouncing down towards a clump of reindeer bodies. God, so fucking _ cute. _ Welp, Kristoff had better things to do. And a better _ person _ to do. He smiled to himself at his stupid joke. 

The scenery was beautiful, it was early fall and the yellow-orange leaves matted the dirt floor. Kristoff chuckled as a gust of leaves brushed against him before flying off. There were red and brown mushrooms growing from the ground, short and stumpy or long and thin. Orange strings of fungi hung down from dead trees. Lichen grew around every tree, giving them a soft blue-green hue. Kristoff smiled. He would never get over how magical it was. 

And then Kristoff face planted right into a tree. Oh _ god. _

“Fuc- I mean, ow! This is a kid’s friendly movie! Holy- ugh!” Kristoff had been so caught up, he hadn’t noticed the thick trunk of a tree in front of him. There was something very humbling about the situation. Kristoff let out avery creative and diverse array of different “F” words, finishing his speech with an angry middle finger to the innocent tree. 

Oh- _ fuck! _The blonde man jumped at the sound of giggling behind him, quickly turning to see who was making such a soun- 

Oh. 

“Oh! Uh, sorry about that, haha. Hey, Ryder,” Kristoff greeted with a sheepish grin on his face, rubbing the back of his neck. The Northuldrian chuckled again, leaning against a tree and crossing his arms. 

“‘Sup, Kris. What’s up?” He smiled. God, that smile. He just wanted to up and walk over and just _ kiss- _shut the fuck up for now, we’re probably not alone. 

“Nothin’. Sven’s off with his friends, Anna’s probably chilling with Elsa,” Kristoff smiled a bit suggestively and went up to sit down on a tree stump in front of Ryder. 

“Hmm. Honey’s probably helping some kids out with building fires, god. It’s getting pretty cold, isn’t it?” 

Oh my god, Honeymarren could be so _ fucking _ annoying. Yeah, she was Ryder’s sister, and? She was always there, asking questions and wasting the time he could spend with Ryder, asking if they wanted anything to eat, any water, wanted to go outside. She never went away, always wanting to help everybody and give advi- okay, maybe she was nice and hadn’t done anything, but _ still. _

Kristoff felt a chill go down his back at the other’s comment. 

“Ugh, it kind of is. Actually, I have a way to fix that, y’know, if we could go back to your little teepee thing.”

“God, you’re so uncultured. It’s not a _ teepee _ . It’s just a tent. Not the same thing, they’re temporary. And we only use those when we’re a bit away from the castle, remember? I live there now, got a whole room to myself. You came ‘few months ago, and you were kinda upset about how small it was. Your little comments about me to Elsa seemed to help me to, like, actually get a room, you know? Thanks…’ he said quietly, smiling a bit. Oh _ Jesus on a stick _ , Kristoff wanted to _ hug _him. He was just… so fucking cute. Anna couldn’t compare. Yeah, he was going to screw that cute little ass into his fucking castle bed. A surge of blood rushed to Kristoff’s… lower regions and he groaned, standing up. Thank god for this huge-ass winter coat. 

“Your welcome, Rye. Can we get back to your place?” 

“Uh, yeah, duh. Wanna walk, or…”

“Let’s just walk. It’s only a minute, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, c’mon! Race you!” Ryder shouted suddenly, kicking off from the tree and sprinting forwards and into the woods. Oh _ fuck _ no, we are _ not _doing that. Kristoff was a man, not a bottom, dammit! Wait- well… Ryder’s still a man. Was he insensitive? I mean, he would bottom if Ryder asked, but not just like, well, you know. His cock was pretty big, not as big as Kristoff’s though. And he seemed to like getting fucked. So… insensitive? Kind of? Yeah, okay, fine. 

Kristoff laughed and jogged towards the other man, shaking his head. 

  
  


They made it to the small castle, huffing and puffing from their little run. Ryder had finished a few paces ahead of Kristoff and was bent down, gasping for air with a mix of laughing as well. 

“God, you’re _ so slow,” _He shook his head, smiling. 

“Hey, shut up! I haven’t been able to get a good jog in since…” Quick, Kristoff, don’t-. “I became king.” Thanks, quick thinking. _ Fuck Anna _ . Every time he came here he was just reminded about how much _ better _ Ryder was and how he _ would _ fucking marry him if Anna would just, like, you know, fucking _ die. _ Not to pull a Hans. Not die, he would be sad. Probably cry. A lot. He was kind of a pussy. Anna was a good friend and person, okay? God _ damn. _ If only they could just be, like, best friends. Totally.

“Hah, I bet. ‘Kay, I’m on the second floor. Let’s go?”

Kristoff nodded and smiled, following Ryder into the red-orange building. It was actually really nice, giving off autumn-y vibes and being a stark contrast to Arendelle’s blue castle. Northuldra’s was a light brown with dark orange spires. There was a moat, too, fancy bitches. Elsa just _loved_ wood, so the whole thing was made out of it. She had made a deal with her water-horse-thing to make sure it didn’t rot from the rain and, well, it hadn’t. So beautiful, all of it.

The pair padded down the moat and through the castle gates, nodding to the two soldiers who were sitting down and reading books or scrolling through their phones. God, what a weird new invention. Steve Jobs, am I right, ladies? No? Yeah, okay.

Inside the castle, it was a bit dark. Nobody seemed to be inside, and that was gonna be fun. Like messing around in a church with nobody around. It seemed like a disgusting violation of _ some _ sort of code, but who cared? Nobody was gonna hear them screaming or whatever, so what was the matter?

Ryder walked into the atrium and turned left towards the stairs, which were a dark spruce wood with a red carpet over it. Kristoff followed him up said stairs, staring at his perky ass. God… what he would do to him. The blonde licked his lips. He craved the feeling of the tribal boy’s mouth over his dick, bobbing his head while Kristoff moaned and grabbed his hair, whimpering out his name until he came, Ryder not stopping until every last drop of h— let’s not do this now, please. 

After a few twists and turns, they plodded towards a door under the stairs. 

“Can’t Elsa do better than this?” He thought out loud. “C’mon, you should get a nice huge room on the top floor, y’know, I can make it happen if ya want.” Under the stairs? Elsa? What the fuck?

“Dude, chill. They moved some stuff around since last time you came in and now it’s a lot bigger. C’mon.” Ryder opened the door and waltzed in. Kristoff had to duck a little to make it through and when he did, he kicked the door closed and looked around. There was a queen-sized bed to the right of the door. A tiny window to the left of it, a closet on the wall across from him, a mirror to the right of the bed, and a couch and a tv on the other side. Kristoff unbuttoned his coat at threw it at the couch, looking back to Ryder. 

“Oh, yeah, y’were right, so, how ‘bou-“ The Arendellian was cut off by two hands cupping his cheeks gently while a mouth slammed against his. Ryder ran him against the wall, rutting his crotch up against his. Kristoff wrapped his arms around Ryder and bent down for better access. 

“God- Rye, not now!” He pushed the other away from him after thirty seconds or so. “You gotta show me the transcript from the peace treaty from Friotaria or Anna will fucking kill me! I skipped it and she’ll kill me if she finds out!” He hissed. 

“Ugh, okay, chillax. Here, one sec. Get on my bed.” Ryder puckered his lips to the side of his face and looked up, furrowing his eyebrows. “Okay, not like that. Just-like, you know. I’ll get them for you.” 

Kristoff chuckled lowly, “Alright, _ daddy.” _

“Shut _ up _!” Ryder blushed, going over to his closet to retrieve the transcriptions. Friotaria was a large country a bit beyond Arendelle. The people there were generally very strange, either being very cold and icy or being incredibly rambunctious and loud. They were a big exporter of jewels and iron, as well as clothes. The treaty was long awaited after many years of passive-aggressiveness and threats. Ah, good times. 

“Okay, here. The king goes on and fucking on about how they need to build a Satan-forsaken _ Ikea _ , like what the fuck? You guys already have like three thousand of them, being, like, bootleg Scandinavia…” the words spewing out of the other’s mouth become background noise as Kristoff watched his lips move as he talked. They looked soft and kissable. Kristoff moved up. His eyes were _ so _ blue, a strange contrast to the rest of the Northuldrian civilians and his overall complexion. Oh, God _ fuck! _

“Kris, are you listening? Dude, c’mon, you literally just-“ The blonde is question was sporting a half-half by now and it was… a lot. 

“We’re done with this. C’mon, are you bored yet?”

“I mean, duh, but, like-“

“Then what the fuck are we waiting for?” Kristoff asked. “You’re really hot. Come here.”

Ryder made some sort of choking noise and sat up sharply to put the papers back in his closet. Kristoff waited patiently. _ Very _patiently. The closet door closed and Ryder walked towards him, collapsing onto the bed. 

“What now, why don’t you tell me?” the brunette purred, sitting cross-legged in front of Kristoff. Jesus, he had these, like, tight brown pants on and this--well--like, blue shirt and this, like, you know, the straps over his shoulder. Kristoff eyed the other’s belt, and the “him” in question seemed to notice this. Licking his lips, Ryder reached over to grab Kristoff’s, undoing it hastily.

“Wait-wha-what are you d-doing, ah~” the king shuddered as Ryder rubbed his cock through his pants.

“C’mon, just sit back and relax. Here.” Ryder pulled off the belt and tossed it at the _ window _ , or the _ couch, _ or _ something _, pushing Kristoff closer to the headboard of the bed, messing up the covers in the process.

“God--dude, wait. Let me take off my shoes, that’s disgusting.”

“Okay, okay. Hurry up, I’m bored!” Ryder whined. ‘Fucking brat’ he _ kind of _ heard Kristoff chuckle as he took his boots off. The tribal boy growled.

After a painful ten seconds, Kristoff looked up from the floor and back to the other man, moving back up to the headboard. Ryder took this as a go sign and crawled on top of his legs, straddling them. Ryder looked so hot, his hat off and that messy hair, the blue eyes, those _ fucking _lips. Oh god. The brunette unbuttoned his lover’s pants and pulled them down a bit, pulling the blonde’s shirt up too.

“Fuck, babe-” 

“Yeah, and nobody else is gonna hear us, y’know? Nobody else’s here, so I want to hear you _ scream.” _ God _ damn, holy shit. _

Kristoff whimpered like a bottom. He wasn’t a bottom! But Ryder was being a bit aggressive, and I guess Kristoff didn’t know he was into that. The Northuldrian scooched up to lock lips with Kristoff, who eagerly kissed back. He could feel his hard-on on his stomach and felt a bit guilty about it. He grazed his teeth over Kristoff’s lips who groaned in response, opening his mouth as a polite invitation to _ oh god please feed me your tongue. _ And Ryder seemed to get the idea, moaning into Kristoff’s mouth as they fought for dominance, ending in a tie.

They pulled away from each other, panting.

“Rye-_ -please _, I need you,” Kristoff begged like a common whore. The Northuldrian looked into his eyes hazily and spread the Arendellian’s legs apart before getting between them. He furrowed his eyebrows and suddenly got back up, looking at the king, who looked confused. 

“Wait, _ fuck. _Get to the side of the bed, it’ll be easier.” Kristoff complied, turning around and letting his legs hang off the bed. Ryder got down onto the floor, tapping the other’s leg and holding out a hand. The brown eyed man leaned over to grab a pillow, placing it in his hands. He shoved it under his knees, and then leaned over to take Kristoff’s cock out of his boxers. Once in contact, Kristoff groaned, bucking into his hand.

“C’mon, easy, dude.” Ryder bent down between his thighs and kissed the tip of his dick. The other responded with a sharp intake of breath, shuddering as he licked the underside of it from base to tip. Holy _ shit _ how could you do that? Ryder gave kitten licks around the head until Kristoff was squirming.

“P-please, Rye, hurry up!”

Now, Ryder did _ not _ like to disappoint people. So what choice did he have? He took Kristoff into his mouth, slowly encasing his entire shaft with his mouth, and _ holy fuck, _ how was he not gagging? Ryder pulled away and repeated this before just shoving the entire cock in his mouth and bobbing his head, his teeth gently grazing it every now and then. Too _ slow. _Kristoff grabbed his head and pushed it down his cock, gasping. Ryder sputtered around it and gagged, tears starting to form at his eyes from the harshness of it. 

“N-ngh!” Kristoff moaned, grabbing onto the brunette’s hair. The king whimpered and shouted out a warning before coming into Ryder’s mouth. He swallowed most of it and then dashed towards the bathroom to spit the rest up. It tasted… good, but it was too much of a good thing. And Kristoff came _ a lot _ when he was with Ryder, more than we did with Anna. Obviously. And _ really _ quickly, too. Maybe not in the first few weeks after they got married. She was hot, what could he say? But… Ryder was… much hotter. That mouth, ugh! Kristoff shuddered and the mentioned Northuldrian came back with a bit of Kristoff’s DNA spilled over his lips. 

“Wait, here,” Kristoff reached up from the bed to wipe it off and onto his pants. “You okay?”

“Y-yeah. God, you came really fast.”

“Well, you have, like, kind of a...small mouth, y’know? Helps a bit. Anna’s terrible at it, don-”

“Can you… not talk about her…”

“Yeah, sorry. I didn’t mean, like…”

“It’s fine. Where do you think they are right now?” Ryder asked, trying to avoid the apology.

“Well, Elsa’s probably flying her around with that water-horse thing. It’s like she’s obsessed, it doesn’t even talk to her. Horses are terrible, reindeers are the best. Obviously.”

“Yeah, no shit.”

…

Okay, well this was kind of awkward. _ Fuck _ , even Kristoff didn’t want to think about _ Anna _ right now. If she knew… that would be fucking horrible. He’d lose his crown, probably be hated by a _ select few _ of the aristocracy for being even _ a little bit _ gay. It wasn’t like he would care, but it would be so embarassing. God, none of this would’ve had to happen if Anna wasn’t a bitch. She used to be _ perfect _ , Jesus Christ. Well, he shouldn’t think about that. Ryder was _ everything. _ His looks. Yeah, he was _ incredibly _ attractive. His personality, yes. Reindeers? Yes, of course. Anna didn’t understand what Sven meant to Kristoff. Not just a reindeer, he was like another _ person. _Sven was funny. Anyways, Ryder was smart, too. Anna was kind of retarded some times and a bit slow, but he was always quick to understand anything. 

He was perfect, that was just a simple truth.

…

“Kris, I’m _ bored, _ and you haven’t been inside me yet,” Ryder complained. He looked really uncomfortable, shifting around in his pants. Had Kristoff really made him _ that _uncomfortable?

“Are you… prepped?” the blonde asked tentatively, glancing down at his crotch for a second.

“N-no, sorry.”

“Okay, don’t worry about it. C’mere.” Kristoff had situated himself against the headboard again, waving Ryder over. Smiling, the brunette hopped onto his chest, bending down to capture Kristoff’s lips with his own. He sighed into him and keened upwards towards him, bringing a hand to Ryder’s ass to massage the muscle… he was really hot.

-

-

-

Elsa was off, again, oh my God! Her horse was upset and she didn’t know why, so she send Anna away for a while. It was fine, she could just go over to hang out with Kristoff and Ryder, even if Ryder didn’t seem to like her.

Anna hummed a song from the first movie, walking up to a few soldiers packed around the castle with a bounce in her step.

“Hello, Northuldrians! I was wondering if you’ve seen King Kristoff or Ryder around,” she inquired politely.

“Yeh, they’re up there in little Rye’s room, second floor under the staircase. Hard to miss. Good day,” One of the older soldiers replied courteously.

Anna dipped her head and made her way to the gates. She tiptoed across the moat, disgusted by the thought of getting her dress dirty. It was new and one of the townspeople had made it for her. So nice. She looked around the castle as she was allowed in. It was so… different, and totally not Elsa, yet definitely her. Ah, Elsa was cool. 

The auburnette slid her hand up the railing as she happily made her way upstairs. She was so excited to see Kristoff, he was such a nice guy! Sure, she could be annoying, but he still cared for her. 

Under the staircase, under the staircase… here! Anna tiptoed towards the room, wanting to surprise the two of them. She gently turned the doorknob, biting her lip to conceal her happiness. She peered in and…

“O-oh God, Kris, _ please, _I need you!” Ryder gasped, pulling away from Kristoff. He was straddling the blonde’s hips, rocking back and forth. 

“Not yet, babe, I gotta-”

Anna gently slammed the door shut with that last word. What the fuck. What the fuck. _ What the fuck. _Anna didn’t regularly swear, but what. The. Holy. Fuck. Oh my God. Was that- wha- what? The King of Fucking Arendelle, making out with some poor Northuldrian boy? Not even part of royalty?

She wasn’t a bad person, she knew it didn’t matter whether he was poor or not and Ryder _ was _ pretty powerful in his country, but _ what? _Anna covered her mouth as the shock-tears started pouring out. Yeah, she knew Kristoff was bi, but that didn’t matter to her. Was he gay? Did she turn him gay?

A quiet voice of reason in the form of Olaf informed her that she was being insensitive. Things _ had _ changed, Kristoff didn’t want to have as much sex a before, always wanted to come to Northul--it made so much sense. Anna choked on her tears and ran to the fifth floor, to Elsa’s room.  
  


-

-

Kristoff unbuckled Ryder’s belt with shaky hands, breathing in deeply, out of breath. He pulled it off and slid his hands under Ryder’s pants, pulling them down painfully slow. He tossed them both into the floor and stared down and Ryder’s bulge under his underwear. Yeah, he was saving that for last. 

“Ngh--Kris, please, hurry up!” Ryder panted, looking down to his lover. He bounced up and down on his chest impatiently. 

“C-calm down, Rye. I’m gonna make ya feel good.” Ryder whined at that notion, reaching down to grope Kristoff’s dick, who yelped in response. 

“Patience!” He whispered, pushing down the other’s shoulder straps and gently taking off his shirt. When Ryder was just in his underwear, Kristoff took off his own shirt and shoved two fingers into the other man’s mouth. 

“Uck, mmh,” Ryder’s eyes fluttered closed as he lewdly coated the fingers with saliva. Kristoff remembered the way he had sucked his cock, his tongue flicking around and he was bobbing his head and moaning- Jesus! He had a task to do! Removing his fingers, Kristoff pulled down Ryder’s briefs to his thighs and gently pushed a finger inside of him. He twisted it around a bit, pushing in and out. Ryder whimpered and made a needy noise. Kristoff forced another finger inside starting to scissor them and- oh my god, he was hard again. 

The Arendellian king inserted a third finger, thrusting in and out. Ryder yelped and started _ quaking _ once the man below him hit his spot, gasping for air. Kristoff took this as a sign to pull them out. He got up from the bed and picked up Ryder, throwing him onto the headboard and making him comfortable before climbing on top of him and kissing him sweetly. Ryder was in too much of a lust-haze to really notice anything and responded with loud noises. Kristoff gave him a final peck on the lips and moved down to kiss and suck the other man’s neck. 

“_ God, _Kristoff, stop the foreplay! Please!” He whined under Kristoff’s grip. The mentioned king kissed him on the lips to shut him up and reached down to take his hands in his own. Sliding his pants down more, he raised his head from Ryder and flung his left leg over his shoulder. 

“Really, straight into it? I knew you were a _ bit _ slutty, Rye, but I didn’t think you were a complete _ slut.” _He shrugged. 

“I-I’m not a slut! Please!” 

“I don’t know if I can’t trust you.” Kristoff pushed the tip of his dick into Ryder’s hole, making the bottom gasp. “How many people have you done this with?” The king rammed the rest of himself in, grunting while Ryder whimpered. 

“How could I know I’m not the only one? With how good you are with this, I bet you suck at _ least _ three dicks a week. Different ones, too.” The blonde Arendellian pulled out and slammed back in, eliciting a moan from his lover. “And when we first met, well, you definitely knew what a dick tasted like.” He shut up after that, pulling the other closer to kiss him. He pushed in and out while Ryder bucked down towards him, harder and harder and harder until- (I’m so sorry god I’m so sorry god I’m so sorry god I’m so sorry god I’m so sorry god I’m so sorry god I’m so sorry god I’m so sorry god I’m so sorry god I’m so sorry god I’m so sorry god holy fucking shit what am I doing? Why did you leave me? Please come back I need your grace I’m sinning so hard. Satan left yesterday holy shit fuck me omg I’m so sorry god I’m so sorry god I’m so sorry please forgive me I don’t want to be struck down please holy shit bye.)

“Y-you were the only o-one-o_ -ah! _ O-oh _ god! Kris!” _ Ryder screamed once Kristoff hit his _ special _ bundle of nerves. “H-harder! Go faster, please!” 

Kristoff grunted and thrusted in and out, hitting the same spot each time. He reached down to pump the other’s dick, Ryder sobbing with pleasure and Kristoff whimpering at every hit. The blonde reached up to the tribal boy’s neck, wrapping his hands around the top part of his neck (carotid artery. Nobody’s getting hurt here). The blue eyed man sputtered and coughed, reaching up to claw his back. Kristoff added a bit more pressure. Ryder choked and moaned, bucking up in time with the king’s thrusts, who released him and moaned in pleasure. 

Ryder but his hand as he cried tears of pleasure. 

“Mph! I-ah! Hah, Kris, I’m gonna come!” He yelled, throwing his arms around Kristoff’s neck. 

“U-ugh, come for me!” He mewled into the other’s neck. Ryder gasped and came into his stomach, panting. The blonde paused momentarily before resuming pounding into the other as the Northuldrian rode out his orgasm. 

“Jesus- fuck!” He screamed, thrashing his head from side to side and shaking from the overstimulation. 

“A-ahh! Hah, Rye, coming!” He yelped, coming inside of the other. He choked on air for a second and panted, slipping out of Ryder and collapsing on the other side of him. 

They laid like this for a moment before Ryder propped himself up on an elbow and looked at the other man. 

“So, fun, huh?” He asked, smiling. There was cum drying on his stomach. Jesus Christ, how could he be so cute after something so… sinful. And, _ Jesus! _ His smile! His cute little scrunched button nose, the crinkles at his eyes… Kristoff shook his head to clear his mind from these thoughts. 

“Yeah, totally. What time’s dinner?” He asked sheepishly. He noticed his dick hanging out from his jeans and shoved it back in like it was a dangerous living animal, zipping up his jeans. He hated being naked in front of people, it was so awkward and he was kind of fat… not really. He knew this and he knew he was pretty buff, but he just didn’t _ feel- _ oh _ god, _he’s talking. 

“-like 8:30? We have two hours, so I think we’re okay. I’m going to go clean up and you can go after. I’ll be, like, ten, twenty minutes? You can chill or whatever, I have a charger over there if you need it.” Ryder gestured to an outlet next to the couch. He smiled again and slipped into the bathroom, shutting the door. Kristoff heard the click of the lock and gaped at the door. And then to the tv and couch, then back to the door. How could he be so… normal about this? Like they _ hadn’t _just fucked each other’s brains out? Kristoff pursed his lips and got up, walking towards his coat hanging out the couch. He grabbed his phone from the pockets and stared blankly at the screen for a second before powering it on. There was a text from Anna from ten minutes ago. 

_ i hope youre having fun w Ryder!!! _

Kristoff chuckled to himself and replied. 

_ ‘Yeah, we’re getting ready for dinner. Will Elsa be there?’ _

There was a pause and the notorious three dots appeared, a text appearing quickly after. 

_ Mhm and the friotaria king and his sister so look good _

_ U have a change of clothes? _

Shit, fuck! Kristoff totally had forgotten! His fancy ass monkey suit was with Sven, and _ fuck! _ Jesus, this is why he never packed important things with Sven! They always either got destroyed, forgotten, or just straight up disappeared. And this was _important_! Friotaria was an important country, and _ugh! _Kristoff smacked his phone against his forehead.

‘_ Shit, I forgot! It’s with Sven, I have to go get it. Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap’ _

Ugh. Why was he always so fucking forgetful? Kristoff got up and walked to the bathroom, knocking on the door. He wanted to just burst in, but Ryder would _not_ like that. Kristoff though about how _hot_ he would look, all wet and dripping, staring up at Kristoff with those shocked eyes, covering up- Kristoff! For the last time, there's a time and place for everything! And there's no time to get hard right now!

“Rye! I’m gonna go find Sven! I forgot to get my formal shit!” he called to him, pressing his ear to the white wooden door. Oh, Satan, save him. Lord forgive me, but this starfish lookin' _too_ thiccc.

There was a clashing of plastic shower shit and the familiar spinning sound of a flat metal item that had been dropped. 

“Shit!” Ryder cursed quietly, the sound becoming muffled from the door. Kristoff scoffed and shook his head.

“I-okay! Wait for me, I’ll be out in a second!”

Oh god. This was a mess. They were going to be a good amount of time late, Sven wasn't going to show up for another high and a half. Fuck. And he didn't even _know _where they were going, he was going to have to ask Elsa or Anna because Ryder _definitely _had no fuck. He shook his head and exhaled. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hate this.


End file.
